Rekindling a Dying Fire
by SqueezeAlien
Summary: It was easy forgetting around him unlike with Peeta who is a constant reminder of the arena.It was easy letting him back in.It was frightening how I could love him with every fiber of my being after what happened to Prim.Im not stable he makes me function
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there Hunger Games fans. This is my first attempt at a Hunger Games story. It takes place two years after the rebellion. ****I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

_Rekindling a Dying Fire_

_Chapter One-Grey Eyes in the Rain_

I try to convince myself that I am happy, that my life with Peeta isn't wrong—even though I'm not happy and my life with Peeta feels very wrong. I try to convince myself that it doesn't feel wrong to wake up wrapped in his arms, to wake up to his blue eyes. I try to convince myself that I don't miss those ashen grey eyes, that playful smirk—his lips on mine. I try to convince myself that my best friend didn't assist in the killing of my sister.

"What are you doing out here?" Peeta's voice brought my out of my thoughts. "It's raining, you should really be inside."

"I've sat through worse Peeta." I say unintentionally thinking back to our time in the arena.

I can see it in his eyes that he's thinking about it too, it's only a matter of time before he has another one of his fits. Automatically I reach for his hand and pull him down beside me. I wrap my arms around him and he pulls me onto his lap. I rub his back soothingly, the tension in his body disappears under my touch.

"We should get back inside." I say turning to look out at the rainy afternoon, the grey color of the sky reminded me of Gale. "Will you make those rolls I love so much? Cold rainy days like these make me crave hot chocolate."

"Yeah I'll make the rolls." Peeta says his voice is strained, I can tell he's still fighting a mental breakdown. I slide off his lap and watch him get to his feet, he extends his hand out to me. "You coming?"

"Yeah give me a minute." I say.

Peeta nods and walks into the house, to the kitchen where he'll spend the next couple of hours baking enough rolls to feed the entire district. I stare out at the Victor's Village, Peeta's house is empty and the lights in Haymitch's are out—he must be passed out in his living room. I stand up and walk down the porch steps into the rain, Peeta won't even notice I'm not in the house.

I know it's stupid to be out in the rain but it's one of those days where Peeta's company sets me on edge, where it threatens to drive me towards insanity. As I walk towards what used to be the Seam I think of Annie and little Finn, Annie who was driven mad by the Hunger Games and poor little Finn who will never know his father. The thought of the child makes me think of the conversation Peeta and I had the night before about us having children, he wanted children and I didn't.

I found myself standing in front of where the Hawthorne house once stood. Memories of Gale hit me with the full force of the wind he was named after. Staring at the house brought back every single memory of Gale from our first meeting to our last words. I wrap my arms around myself glad that the rain will mask the tears that are falling down my cheeks without my authorization. I walk away and head towards the woods, towards our old meeting place. It's been a while since I last stepped foot in the woods, sure there was no electric fence anymore but the woods were mine and Gale's place and I couldn't face them.

I sit on our rock looking at the woods that seem to have stayed the same when everything else has changed. Gale and I are no longer speaking to each other but sitting here now I can see the two friends who were tying to keep their starving families alive. It frightens me how clearly I can see the two of us, how real the hallucinating has become. Its as if my nightmares have seeped out of my subconscious and into reality. They're so clear that I can't tell what's real from what's not sometimes.

So when I hear Gale's voice say, "You're going to get sick Catnip. Go home." That's what I assume it is—a hallucination.

I turn around and see him standing underneath a nearby tree. At first I chalk it up to my messed up brain but when I look away from him I realize that he doesn't look like he normally does in my hallucinations and nightmares. I whip my head around and study him, he looks older, more mature but still breathtakingly handsome. He's dressed so much differently then in my nightmares and hallucinations, there he's dressed in his hunting clothes or his soldier's uniform but here he was dressed in a nice pair of jeans, a grey t-shirt, a dark blue zip-up sweatshirt, and a black leather jacket. His eyes are on me and I look away realizing I probably look like a crazed mess.

"G-Gale." I say when I turn back around and fully accept that he's not a figment of my borderline insane mind. "W-what a-a-are you d-doing here?"

"Taking a much needed vacation." He says sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Life in Two isn't satisfying anymore."

I nod and stand up, I don't walk toward him instead I walk back to the Seam. When I'm sure I have put enough distance between Gale and me I run back to my house. Peeta's in the kitchen baking and doesn't notice me make a mad dash to the bathroom. I take a shower and crank up the heat to the highest temperature I can stand. I stay in the shower for over an hour before finally getting out. I get dressed in a baggy blue t-shirt that I think may belong to Peeta and a pair of black sweatpants.

"I made you the hot chocolate you were craving." Peeta says when I walk into the kitchen.

"And enough rolls to feed the whole district." I say looking at all the rolls sitting on the counters.

He smiles and says, "I guess I did go a little overboard."

"Eat with me." He looks like he rather continue baking like a madman but sits down in front of me. I dunk my roll into the hot chocolate and eat it under Peeta's heavy gaze. "We should invite Haymitch over for dinner soon, you know since we haven't seen him in a while."

"He won't come." Peeta says clenching his hands in to fists. His eyes were unfocused and before I could reach across the table to him he was on his feet walking out of the kitchen.

I hear our bedroom door slam shut. I sit in the kitchen sipping the hot chocolate and dunking the rolls into it. Peeta doesn't return and when I go and check on him he turns me away and locks the bedroom the bedroom door. I sit on the couch and wrap the afghan around myself.

Rapid knocking on the door wakes me up just as I'm falling asleep. Groaning I get up and answer the door. My eyes widen to their full extent at the sight of Gale standing on my doorstep, I move to slam the door in his face but he wedged his booted foot in between the door and the doorframe.

"We need to talk Catnip and I'm not leaving here until we do." He said looking determined.

"Not here, Peeta's in the middle of an episode and you'll only set him off more." I don't know why I tell him this or why I'm agreeing to talk to him but I do. Maybe it's because he's soaking wet and looking desperate or because I still consider him my best friend and a part of me is glad he's here. "Wait here."

He nods and I calmly walk into the kitchen, I toss a dozen or so rolls into a plastic bag and the rest of the hot chocolate into a thermos. I find the keys to Peeta's house in one of the drawers and head back to Gale. We walk silently and quickly to Peeta's house.

"Its dusty in here." Gale says when I flick the lights on.

"Peeta hasn't live here since the Quarter Quell." I say leading him to the kitchen.

"So are you two together?" Gale asks though he knows the answer.

"Yes."

"Are you happy?"

"No."

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm eighteen years old. I live in District 12. I was in the Hunger Games twice. I led the Rebellion that ended the Capitol and killed my sister. I'm married to Peeta Mellark but in love with Gale Hawthorne. The Capitol manipulated my whole life and because of them I'm borderline insane and locked in a marriage they forced on me._

**_To be continued..._**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this and please drop a review so I can decide whether or not to continue this story. I'll see you guys next time...maybe :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey there readers thank you for the support and the wonderful reviews. So here's chapter two and funny thing about how the writing process for this chapter went. I felt sick today and so I stayed in bed watching Criminal Minds...I wound up falling asleep during an episode and woke up to gunfire in the middle of another. **

**Enjoy the chapter and remember that I don't own the Hunger Games.**

_Rekindling a Dying Fire_

_Chapter Two-Breaks _

Gale and I sit in silence after my confession, I want to get up and run but I stay seated. Gale reached over and for a second I think he's going to take my hand but he reaches for the rolls instead. I watch him as he rips a piece of the roll and sticks it into his mouth.

"I'll give him credit where it's due, he sure can bake." Gale says once he's done with his first roll and reaching for his second.

"Baking is how he deals with things." I say twiddling my thumbs and looking anywhere but Gale. "Like how Haymitch drinks."

"How do you deal with things?" he asks. I can feel his eyes on me waiting for an answer. "Katniss?"

"I don't have a method of dealing with things. Everything I do and see reminds me of times before the Hunger Games, of my time in the arena, and of the Rebellion. Peeta himself reminds me of everything and I'm pretty sure I remind him of everything too. There are days where we can't look at each other without having to fight a mental breakdown." I don't know why I am telling him all of this but I am. He's Gale still and maybe that's why I'm unloading all of this on him. "On most days I want to rip the primroses that are in front of my house out of the ground by their roots to make sure they never grow back."

"Maybe you need to get away from District 12 for a while Catnip." Gale says and I've considered it but I can't find it in me to leave Peeta. "You won't leave him will you?"

"I can't only he understands what I'm going through."

"He may understand but he isn't helping your mental stability and you're not helping his. You guys need time away from each other." Gale says looking down at his untouched cup of hot chocolate.

Silence envelopes us again and it feels wrong that Gale and I can't hold a conversation like we used to. It feels wrong that the Capitol and the Rebellion drove the two of us apart. It feels more than wrong that I can't look at him without thinking of Prim's death. I want to look at him and see my best friend, my hunting partner, and the boy who I most likely would have ended up with had nothing happened.

"Where would I go if I chose to leave here for a while? Every district in this country holds bad memories." I say finally.

"This one holds more though." He says.

"Then why are you here? Why vacation here then?" I ask sourly.

"I feel like getting back to my roots. I feel like I'm losing myself." I arch my eyebrows at him, he has no idea what it's like to lose yourself. "I was affected by the war too Catnip. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't see myself as a monster, that I don't blame myself for what happened to Prim, those kids, and the medics."

He blames himself and I blame him. I don't want to blame him but at the same time I can't forget about Prim. I want him back, I hadn't realized how much I had wanted him back until he was here in front of me. I look at him and I'm not reminded of the arena, not of Prim, not of the Rebellion. I'm only reminded of our time hunting in the forest of his lips on mine.

"It's getting late, Peeta will be worried about you." Gale says standing up. My guess was that he wanted to avoid talking about this even though this is what he wanted to talk about.

He walks me to my door and when he's already off of my porch and in the rain I call out to him, "Gale!"

"Catnip." He says turning around to look at me.

I run to him not wanting him to leave my life again. Uncharacteristically I throw myself at him wrapping my arms around him and digging my face in his chest. His whole body tenses. "I don't want this. I don't want to go on living a life that was forced on me by the Capitol. I don't want to blame you, I want to have you in my life."

"Katniss." Gale says his body relaxing.

"Peeta loves me but that's not enough for the two of us. We're too broken to comfort the other, I look at him and think of the worst times of my life. He looks at me and winces, looking at me causes him to have a mental breakdown." I say just as Gale wraps his arms around me.

We stand there in the rain our arms wrapped around each other. We're going to get sick but we don't care. Our hunting ears don't fail us, we both hear the front door creak open. Peeta. I turn around in time to see Peeta slamming the door. I look at Gale and he nods releasing me.

"I'll be with Greasy Sae." He whispers. "We'll talk tomorrow."

I nod and run back into the house after Peeta, I don't run far because Peeta is sitting on the couch waiting for me. His blue eyes are stone cold and his body is tense. I approach him cautiously afraid that he might have one of his episodes and strangle me again.

"Peeta?" I ask reaching out to him with a shaky hand. He swats my hand away.

"You were standing outside hugging Gale Hawthorne, real or not real?" He says through clenched teeth. I can see his body begin to shake.

"Real." I say looking down at my mud-covered feet. I look up at him when the lamp from the end table soars past my head and hits the wall behind me. I'm losing

him again. "Peeta?"

"Get out." He says his face scrunched up in pain.

"No." I say stubbornly.

"For your own good get out of the house Katniss." He spits out.

I can tell it's a bad break and I don't want to leave him alone but remembering that he wouldn't hesitate in attacking me I walk out the door. Going to Peeta's house would be the best option, better than going to Haymitch's where I'll suffocate with the smell of alcohol and vomit, but I don't go in that direction. I leave the Victor's Village and head towards Greasy Sae's. I pound on the door and Greasy Sae opens the door, her brow furrows with worry when she sees the state I'm in.

"Katniss what's wrong?" she asks.

"P-P-Peeta's h-having an e-e-episode. A b-b-bad o-o-one." I say the shivering causing my teeth to chatter.

She ushers me into the house and up the stairs into the bathroom. She insists I take another shower and I don't argue. Again I crank up the heat to as high as I can handle and stay in for well past an hour. When I get out I see a set of dry clothes on the sink, a pair of grey sweats and a dark red t-shirt—immediately I know they belong to Gale, they have the scent of pine and woods, his scent. I dry off and slip into the clothes of my best friend.

"Catnip?" Gale asks when I step out of the bathroom.

"Peeta had a mental break." I say knowing perfectly well that I'm on the edge of one myself, though mine will fully hit me in my sleep.

"Katniss you're shaking." Gale says.

"I'm okay." I lie, he sees right through it. He walks up to me and wraps his arms around me. "We trigger each other's breaks."

He rubs my back and for some reason I feel relief, the same relief that I felt when I slept next to Peeta. He leads me to one of the bedrooms. "Go to sleep Catnip."

"I can't sleep without Peeta, he takes away the nightmares." I say feeling embarrassed that I said it I shouldn't considering the fact that Peeta and I are married.

"Oh." He says. "How can I help you?"

"Don't leave me."

"I won't, I promise." He says sitting on the edge of the bed.

**To be continued...**

**So what did you think. Leave a review and I'll be very happy. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there guys well this is chapter three and I love all of you guys for reviewing and for choosing to read this story. Anyway I really like this chapter and I have to say that I wrote it while listening to One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" I hope you guys like it too.**

**I don't own the Hunger Games :(**

_Rekindling a Dying Fire_

_Chapter Three-Divorce_

_I am standing in a meadow; the grass is vibrant green, the azure blue sky is clear, and the yellow sunlight is warm. My feet are bare and I'm wearing a simple white sundress. Something__—__no someone__—__is squeezing my hand, I look down and gasp at the sight of a little boy holding onto my hand. I look him over; he has the Seam look, ashy grey eyes, olive skin, and black hair. He points to the opposite end of the meadow and smiles at me. I look up and see two older boys walking into the meadow, more like running__—__they look behind them and start laughing. The boy holding my hand starts giggling and pulls me to the two older boys. _

"_Basil, Ty, where's daddy?" the little boy holding my hand asks his brothers. _

"_He's coming Archer." The older one answers. He's the only one of the boys that doesn't have ashen grey eyes instead he has azure blue eyes__—__my mother's eyes, Prim's eyes. "Do you want to play Archer?"_

"_Can I play mama?" Archer asks me with wide eyes. "Please."_

"_As long as you boys don't get to rough." I say sternly._

"_We're boys we don't know how to play nice Catnip." Gale says in a teasing manner as he runs into the meadow the three boys start running away from their dad. "Awe now it's three against one, you boys don't play fair."_

"_At least its not four against one." I say pointing to the four males that are around me. "I'm surrounded by testosterone."_

"_But you love it." Gale says with a smile. Instead of going after the boys he sets his eyes on me, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. He's the hunter and I'm his prey. I start to run but he catches me easily around the waist. He lifts me off of my feet and pins me around before setting me on the ground and kissing my lips softly. "Don't you Mrs. Hawthorne?"_

"_Yes I do Mr. Hawthorne but I'm hoping that in a couple of months it'll be two to four." I say feeling as the smile spreads across my face. Gale's smirk turns into the goofiest smile I have ever seen. "What?"_

"_You're pregnant." He says the goofy smile never leaving his face. I nod and he kisses me again. When he pulls away he says, "I love you Katniss."_

"_I love you too Gale." I say kissing him again. A chorus of 'Ews' makes us break apart. The older boy gives the two younger boys a sly look, one that he obviously inherited from his father. "Basil what are you thinking?"_

"_Oh nothing." He says looking at his brothers. Before we could blink Gale and I were being tackled by our three boys. The five of us landed softly on the fresh grass, all five of us started to laugh. "We win dad."_

"_You caught us off guard, that's a dirty trick." Gale says._

I wake up not knowing where I am, panic overwhelms me and I can feel my heartbeat speed up to something unbearable. I start to squirm but something is keeping me in place. My mind automatically jumps back to when I had been restrained in the hospital just after the Quarter Quell. Groaning brings me back to reality just enough to see that its not restraints that are keeping me in place but a pair of arms.

"What's wrong Catnip?" Gale mumbles. His voice pulls me back completely, it is then that I become aware of the fact that I am lying in bed with Gale and not Peeta. I start to squirm and thrash anything to get him to let me go though a great part of me wants nothing more than to stay in the circle of his arms. "Katniss."

"What's going on Gale?" I ask more than a little confused. "Where am I and why are we sharing a bed?"

He sighs and releases me, I watch him sit up and pinch the bridge of his nose. "Is it common for you to have no recollection of events?"

"What are you saying?" I ask.

"Do you forget things a lot?" He asks slowly. He fixes his grey eyes on me, the same grey eyes that two of the boys in my dream had. Thinking about the dream has my cheeks burning. Gale notices but judging by the worried look in his eyes he takes it as a sign that I may be sick. "Are you feeling okay Catnip?"

"I'm fine." I say firmly. He looks like he doesn't believe me but I quickly move on, "No I don't forget things."

"Why don't you remember how we got to this position then?" He asks in a soft voice. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"No." I say quickly. "It sometimes takes me a while to get back into reality that's all. Peeta had a breakdown and I came here. I have to get home and see how he's doing."

"Let me take you." He says getting up and walking towards a duffle bag in front of a wooden dresser.

"You don't have to do that." I say looking away as he pulls off his shirt.

"I know that I don't have to but I want to." He says unaware of the effect his bare torso is having on me.

Greasy Sae won't let us leave without having something to eat and by the time that we finish eating and talking it's well past noon. Half of the day has gone by and I haven't done anything—not that I do much anyway. It's stopped raining and the sky is clear and it smells like wet earth and I love it.

Gale walks me back to my house, "So how is it going to be now?"

"Huh?" I say confused.

"With Peeta?"

"It's going to be fine." I say opening my front door. "Can you wait here?"

"Sure." He says.

I walk into the house closing the door behind me. The house isn't a complete mess but there is evidence that Peeta had completely lost it. I walk to the bedroom and find that the door is slightly open. Peeta's lying on the bed with an arm over his eyes, he's completely dressed so I assume he's been out.

"Peeta?" I ask kneeling beside him. He takes his hand off of his eyes and turns to look at me. I brush his hair out of his eyes and manage a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay Katniss, are you?" he asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"This is getting out of hand Katniss. There are days when I want to rip you to pieces, days where I can't tell what's real from what's not. I love you Katniss but living like this is going to get us both killed, if not by the other than by our own hands." Peeta says his eyes focusing on a stack of papers on the bedside table.

"Have you thought of suicide?" I ask.

"Yes and you can't tell me you haven't because I know you have." He says his eyes still on the stack of papers. "Katniss we're too broken to be with each other, I think it's best if we take some time away from each other."

"What?" I ask sounding frantic.

He sits up and picks up the papers from the bedside table, "I went to the Justice Building this morning and had these drawn up."

He hands them to me and I see the sad look in his eyes. I read the papers three times before I fully understand what they are, "Divorce papers? This is what you mean by taking time away from each other? A divorce. I thought you meant like a vacation or sleeping in different houses."

"Katniss you may not say it out loud but I know that you don't want to be married to me. You see our marriage, our relationship, and our lives as something that was manipulated by the Capitol and you've wanted out since before we were married. I'm giving you your way out." He says. I don't completely understand why I am reacting to the idea of a divorce like this, like it's tearing me apart. "Its better this way."

"Get out." I say quietly. He looks at me with a confused expression on his face. "I need to think."

He nods and walks out of the bedroom. He comes back and asks me for the keys to his house. I fish them out of the pockets of the pants I was wearing yesterday and throw them at him. I hear him leave the house and exchange a few words with Gale who up to this point I forgot about. After Peeta's voice disappears I walk out of the bedroom and let Gale in.

"Peeta has filed for divorce." I say.

"I know, he just told me." Gale says.

"What do I do?" I ask sitting down on the couch.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Gale asks and I nod. "Then what's holding you back?"

"Peeta."

"If you stay here with him you'll destroy each other." Gale says seriously. "He's thinking about your health, he loves you enough to let you go for your own sake. I think he wants you to do the same."

"I know and I should but if I sign the papers I'll be all alone." I say thinking back to how I haven't seen or heard from my mother since the rebellion. "With Peeta gone I have no one."

"You have me Catnip." He says looking at me with his intense grey eyes.

"Take me somewhere." I say standing up.

"Huh?" He says confused.

"Take me everywhere." I say. "I want to leave District 12. I need to leave District 12."

"Everywhere but District 2." He says and I can't help but wonder why he won't take me to his new home. "My vacation is a permanent one, I quit that fancy job of mine."

"Oh." I say.

"Where to first Ms. Everdeen?"

"I want to see Annie." I say. I start walking to the bedroom. "I want to leave today."

"Alright to District 4 we go." Gale says. He watches me from the doorway as I sign the divorce papers and throw random stuff into a bag.

We walk to Peeta's house and I hand him the papers. He gives me a sad smile and I kiss his cheek one last time.

**To be continued...**

**So please review it'll make my day and make me extremely happy to hear your feedback. I'll see you guys next time :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there everybody sorry that this is a little late its just that last week was packed full of tests and i actually devoted so much time to studying. I was also thinking of the direction I want this story to go, so please enjoy this chapter.**

**I don't own the hunger games**

Chapter 4- Doubts, Arguments, Letters, and Goodbyes

**Katniss…**

_Something's wrong, something's very wrong, it was all too easy. _The voice in my head won't stop and I'm starting to believe it. All of this has been too easy, forgiving Gale and gaining freedom. _Something is wrong with all of this._

"Katniss." Gale says. I look away from the window, away from the ocean and look at him. I don't see my best friend, I see the bloodthirsty boy that killed my sister. I narrow my eyes and Gale flinches. "What's with the death stare?"

I blink and feel my gaze soften, "What do you mean?"

"You were looking at me like you want to rip me apart." He says his brow furrowing in concern.

"Your mind must be playing tricks on you." I say but really it's my mind that's playing tricks on me at least that's what I want to believe. I want to believe that it is my messed up subconscious that is making me feel hostile toward Gale not that it's actually me. But even as I think it I know it's not true, I do harbor hostile feelings toward Gale. I do blame him for Prim's death but I want to forgive him. I'm confused I don't know what to think anymore. _Why am I even here?_

"You wanted to get out of District 12." Gale says and I realize that I spoke out loud. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I say turning my attention back to the window back to the ocean that started all of these doubts and uneasy thoughts.

"You're lying Katniss." Gale says, the eerie calm demeanor he has been portraying since he arrived in District 12 vanishes and I can hear the boy who was angry with the Capitol clearly.

"Drop it Gale, it's really none of your business. It hasn't been for two years." I snap.

"What's with the sudden change of attitude?" He asks not bothering to keep the irritation out of his voice. "I was under the impression that things between us were okay."

"I said drop it." I practically scream at him.

"I won't drop it, you're sending me mixed signals Katniss." Gale says standing up. "It's all you've ever really done, send me mixed signals, play with my feelings, take advantage of me, and blame me."

"Where's is that even coming from because you know it's not true." I say though it's not a solid argument because I have done all of those things to some extent.

"Tell me that you don't see a murder when you look at me. Tell me that you can look at me and not think of Prim. Tell me that when you kissed me two years ago it's because you had true feelings for me. Tell me that you'd be here with me even if Peeta hadn't served you with divorce papers. Tell me that you would have chosen me if things hadn't gone the way they did." He's yelling all of this at me.

I don't say anything. I don't know whether it's because I lost the ability to speak for the moment or because I can't tell him what he wants to hear.

He takes my silence as my answer and says, "I thought so." He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out an envelope. He drops it onto the seat he just vacated and just as he's leaving our compartment he growls, "From Peeta."

Before I can ask him why he has the envelope he's out of the compartment. I take the envelope from the seat and see that my name is scribbled neatly in Peeta's handwriting, there was no mistaking that the envelope is meant for me. I open the envelope and take out the letter.

_Dear Katniss,_

_I feel like I should explain why I suddenly threw divorce papers in your face. It's not because I have fallen out of love, no I've always loved you Katniss and I'll always will. What I told you this morning is true but I took the words out of your mind and told you what you were too afraid of admitting. I gave you what you wanted because I can't see you living a half-life, I want you to live Katniss and the only way I could think of giving you a life was by freeing you of me. I don't regret a single minute of my short time with you, even though they were under some of the worst circumstances or false pretenses I'll treasure our time together for the remainder of my life. Katniss I won't be here when you come back to District 12, please don't mourn my absence treasure the memories of our time together. I'm sorry that I must say my goodbye to you like this, divorce papers and a letter but it was the only way I could think of leaving you that wouldn't damage you more than you already are. _

_Love always,_

_Peeta._

I hold the letter and read it until the entire page is stained with my tears and the ink had smudged together making the writing indistinguishable. Something about the letter feels off, it feels wrong. His goodbye sounds final like we'll never see each other again. I'm fixated around the word mourn, that single word has me running out of the compartment in search of a phone.

It's may be a long shot considering that Haymitch is almost never sober and that maybe he may have gotten rid of his telephone again but I have to try. Despite the fact that he hasn't been functional since the war ended I'd like to think that he still cares about what happens to Peeta or me. I find a telephone and dial Haymitch's number, I'm amazed that after three rings he picks up.

"Are you sober or at least close to sober?" I ask and even to my own ears I sound like a crazy person.

"Hello to you too Sweetheart." He says and the fact that his words aren't slurred and that he knows who I am gives me hope. "Why are you calling me asking if I'm sober?"

"Do me a favor and go check on Peeta." I say.

"Trouble in paradise." He says.

"Go make sure he hasn't killed himself." I say choking on the words.

"I don't think he'll kill himself over small marital problems."

"Just do it!" I yell hysterically into the phone.

"Alright." He growls into the phone. "Where are you anyway this isn't your home number."

"I'm on my way to District 4 to visit Annie, call me there." I say, the phone clicks off telling me that my time is over. _Annie I can't worry her when I'm not even sure what's going on. I have to put on a happy face just for her._

**Gale…**

My therapist won't be particularly happy when I tell him that I snapped today, for the past two years we've been working on controlling my anger. A big waste of time if you ask me, it might work most of the time but when something sets me off it sets me off.

I rip open the envelope Peeta gave me and pull out the piece of paper inside.

_Gale,_

_Take care of her._

_Peeta._

Four words, well six counting our names, and I can tell what this is. This is Peeta's final request.

**Katniss…**

Annie and her mother are waiting for us when we arrive in District 4, little Finn is holding his mother's hand tightly. It surprises me how much he looks like Finnick at this age. Looking at Annie's son my mind drifts back to my dream, to the three boys that looked identical to Gale—with the exception of Basil's azure blue eyes. For a moment the little boy erases my thoughts of Peeta lying in a pool of his own blood or with a noose around his neck.

"Katniss are you okay, you look very lost." Annie says. I blink a couple of times, blinking away the images of my dreamt up sons and of a dead Peeta. "Katniss?"

"Catnip?" Gale asks his nickname for me makes Finn giggle. I look at him, it's the first time he's spoken to me since our argument on the train. The fact that he used my nickname makes me feel like he may know why I'm so out of it. "Are you okay?"

"Just thinking about how much he looks like his dad." I lie not wanting to worry her or ruin this reunion with something that may not be what I'm making it out to be. "He's beautiful Annie."

"Oh thank you." Annie says distantly and I can tell she's lost in thoughts about Finnick. She shakes her head and looks around the station. She looks at me with a confused expression. "Where's Peeta?"

"We recently got divorced." I say hoping that my strangled voice and facial expression pass off as sad over the divorce not as anything close to what is actually hurting me.

"Oh." Annie says.

"Well I think we should head back to the house." Annie's mom says and I'm grateful for it because Annie looks like she wants to ask me questions that I don't want to answer. Annie also looks like she wants to cry. "Annie we should go now."

"Maybe this was a bad idea." I mumble as Annie and her mom lead the way out of the station.

"Katniss what was in the letter?" Gale asks.

"An explanation as to why Peeta divorced me." I choke out.

Gale pulls something out of his jacket pocket and crumples it up. He takes my hand and presses the crumpled piece of paper into my palm. He closes my fingers around it and looks up at me. His grey eyes are apologetic as they ask me to read the note.

"I'm sorry." He says turning around to give me some privacy.

I smooth out the paper and see a total of six words written in Peeta's handwriting. The four words that are the actual message shatters me.

**To be continued...**

**Drop a review and tell me what you all thought of this chapter. It'll make me feel better about it because I'm uneasy about this new direction even though I feel like it is the best way to go. See you next time :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey readers enjoy this chapter.**

**I don't own the hunger games**

_Chapter 5-One Thing He Can't Be Blamed For_

**Gale…**

"_Are you ready to talk about her?" Dr. Fay asks me after what felt like an eternity of silence. Dr. Fay has insisted that he do his own evaluation and only uses my file for reference, he wants to create his own file. "I think that it's time you talk about her. In your file there is no detailed record about her, you only mentioned her to Dr. Fields in passing."_

"_Her name is__—__was Willow." I say slowly looking down at my hands. _

"_When and how did you meet her?" he asks watching me as I have moved away from looking at my hands to fiddling with the silver chain around my neck. _

"_When I was named commander of the armed forces there was this big party at the justice building to celebrate. Willow was an intern at the justice building, she formally congratulated me for my new job and we shared a dance. We spent the night talking and laughing about the most random stuff. We met up for coffee several times before we actually went on an official date."_

"_How long did you two date?" he asks._

"_We dated for seven months before we finally got engaged." I say. I look at Dr. Fay and he motions for me to go on. "We got married shortly after and shortly after that Willow was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she was given six months to live. We did everything she ever wanted to do before she got worse, when she did she wanted to be near the ocean so we moved to District 4. She died in the hospital there shortly after our anniversary." _

"_May I see your wedding bands?" _

"_It's only hers, she's buried with mine." _

Looking at the ocean reminds me of all the times Willow and I walked along the beach at sunset. I reach into my shirt and pull out the silver chain with Willow's wedding band on it.

"Haymitch called, Peeta attempted suicide and if Haymitch hadn't gotten there when he did Peeta wouldn't be in the hospital right now he'd be in the morgue. I should go back home." Katniss says from behind me. I tense, this wasn't how I wanted to tell her about Willow. "What is that?"

"A wedding band." I say fixing my gaze on a boat far out in the distance.

"Wedding band." She chokes out.

**Katniss…**

"I was married just like you were but unlike yours my marriage wasn't forced. I loved Willow." He says his eyes still fixed on the serene blue ocean. "It was two years Katniss, did you honestly think that I wouldn't move on."

"You obviously haven't, you practically told me you still love me only hours ago." I say feeling hurt and angry. I'm hurt because Gale moved on and angry because to an extent he led me on. "You slept with me and didn't feel guilty about it."

"That was an accident it wasn't my intention to sleep with you. I was only going to stay until you fell asleep but I wound up falling asleep. Yeah I still love you I don't think I'll ever stop loving you but I couldn't live my life pining over you." He says standing up. He takes my hand and drops the silver chain onto my palm. "I loved her too."

He storms off leaving me standing on the beach with his wedding band in my hand. I look down and see that it's not his wedding band it's hers. The words _"Forever in my heart-Gale," _are engraved on the inside of the ring.

"Was that Gale Hawthorne?" a fisherman asks me not too long after I pocket the wedding band.

"Yes, do you know him?" I ask wondering how someone in District 4 could know Gale.

"Yes, he used to walk the beach with his wife at sunset. A couple of times I took the two of them out fishing on my boat before she got too sick to do that anymore." He says and I know why Gale pressed her wedding band onto my palm, he wanted to tell me that she didn't leave him willingly she was taken from him by an illness. "It destroyed him when the disease took her, she's buried in the cemetery by the beach."

"I have to go but thanks for talking to me." I say running after Gale. He's at Annie's door. "Gale!" He tenses at my voice but I know he's listening to me. "I know what happened to Willow and I'm sorry if I implied that you weren't faithful to her because of your feelings for me."

"Lets not talk about this Katniss, if you want to go home go home." He says not looking at me. "Peeta is sick and he needs you or someone to be there for him."

"Why did you really go to District 12?" I ask needing to know his reasons.

"Life wasn't satisfying in District 2 anymore and Willow said that if that were to ever happen I'd have to go back my roots." He says sticking his hands in his jacket pocket. "You should get going if you want to make it to the station in time for the next train."

"I know I should go back but I really can't help Peeta, I'll only make things worse. You said that he needs someone who can be there for him and I know I'm not that person but I do know of someone who can be that person."

"Delly?"

"Yes." I say walking up to him and holding out the chain. "I can't really blame you for moving on."

"It's the one thing you can't blame me for." He says bitterly. He snatches the chain out of my hands. "Everything else you can blame me for."

"Gale." I say slowly.

He walks into the house slamming the door behind him. He's upset over what I didn't say on the train of what my silence meant. I walk inside and place another phone call.

**To be continued...**

**I felt like Gale needed something personal and well this is what I came up with. Please review and tell me what you thought.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey there guys so I've been working on this one since yesterday and I guess you could say its your very late valentines day surprise but I really like the way this one turned out. I hope you guys like it too and I thank you all so much for the reviews :)**

**I don't own the hunger games**

**enjoy!**

Chapter 6- Her Last Words

**Gale…**

"_Why are we talking about Willow, I'm not exactly here for grief counseling." I say fiddling with the chain around my neck. "Dr. Fields never made me talk about Willow."_

"_I have a different approach than Dr. Fields." Dr. Fay says crossing his legs and looking at me with his piercing amber colored eyes. When he looks at me like that it feels as if he's staring into my broken soul. "Did you bring me the picture I asked for?"_

_I nod and reach into my back pocket for my wallet. I open it and pull out the picture of me and Willow sitting on abandoned train tracks facing each other with our hands on our knees and chins resting on our palms. I hand him the picture and watch him look us over. _

"_She's beautiful." He says handing me the picture. I look down at Willow and nod, I know what's coming next. "She looks nothing like Katniss Everdeen."_

"_That's because she's not Katniss Everdeen." I say. I look down at the picture that was taken long before Willow and I were married, before she got sick. Her long wavy golden blonde hair is pulled into a neat side ponytail, there's a faint blush painted across her ivory colored skin, her sea green eyes are locked with mine, and her smile reaches her eyes. "You wanted to see if subconsciously I chose to date Willow because she looked like Katniss. What do you conclude Doc?"_

"_Katniss Everdeen had nothing to do with your choice to date Willow." He says and I feel like we've gotten to the topic that brought me to therapy twice a week. "Does Katniss know you were married?"_

"_No, why would she you've read my file?" I say angrily. _

"_I assumed that since her mother was your wife's primary caretaker she would know that you were married." Dr. Fay says._

"_Never assume anything, the two of them don't talk." I say quietly though he can hear the bitterness in my voice that I really didn't bother to hide. "They haven't talked much since Primrose died."_

"_Talk about Primrose." _

"_I killed her." _

"_A bomb killed Primrose Everdeen." Dr. Fay says looking through my file. _

**Katniss…**

Gale is lying on the floor playing with Finn and his array of toys, I can tell he's not really focused. Finn seems completely comfortable with Gale as if the two of them have met more than once. I ask Annie if Gale came around the house a lot.

"Yes, he lived here in the district for a while." Annie says looking at her son and Gale. "Your mother told you about Willow right?"

"How would my mother know about Willow?" I ask.

"She was at the wedding and she was the one who took care of Willow when she got really sick." Annie says. The fact that my mother knew my best friend was married bothers me it shouldn't but it does. "Are you going to see your mother?"

"I probably should." I say.

"Mommy look I can touch top." Finn squeals from the living room. "Gawle so big."

"I'm tall Bud not big." Gale laughs walking into the kitchen with Finn on his shoulders. "Alright Bud time to go to mommy, I have to go."

"No go Gawle." Finn pouts as Gale hands him over to Annie. "We have fun."

"Ah don't worry Finny I'll be back." Gale says crouching down to Finn's eye level. "I have to go see Willy and then I'll come back here and we can play with all of your toys before dinner okay?"

"Otay, say to Willy me love her." Finn says and it surprises me how much the little boy loves Gale and Willow. "Urple fower, pease."

"You got it Finny." Gale says. He looks at me for the first time since entering the kitchen. "You should see your mother today, its her day off."

I nod and he leaves without another word. I walk out after him intending to as him directions to my mother's since I have no idea where she lives or how to get there. He's standing outside looking out at the passersby, he turns around when he hears me close the door behind me.

"I don't know where I'm going." I say and he nods in understanding.

"I'll take you there." He says curtly.

"What's with the attitude?" I ask fed up with the attitude he was giving me. He digs his hands into the pockets of his jeans and remains silent. "Is this about how I reacted to Willow?"

"No." He spits out.

"What is it then?" I ask as he starts down the street. "You have no right to be angry with me."

"I have no right to be angry with you, right because you did nothing wrong. I am the only one who did something wrong." Gale says turning around. I stagger backward surprised by the look of rage on his face.

"You killed Prim!" I shout.

"And you killed her indirectly." He spits out with every intention of hurting me.

"You need help Gale." I yell at him.

"I've been getting help! For the past two years I've been seeing a damn therapist!" Gale shouts his face reddening with anger and a slight hint of shame. "Every day since I was given my job assignment a doctor has been psychoanalyzing me, so don't tell me I need help because I've been getting it!"

**Gale…**

I walk away from Katniss, staying there and yelling at her would be easier but I've spent too many hours of my life cooped up in a doctor's office talking about how shitty my life is most of the time. When Willow died, after the doctors had to forcibly remove me from the room, I spent a good hour sitting on the linoleum floor thinking that the only reason she was taken from me was because I took Prim away from her family. It was karma that slapped me hard in the face.

I buy the flowers I usually get when I visit Willow, purple irises and yellow daffodils. It seems like a weird combination but Willow loved them together because of their contrasting colors. I made my way down to the cemetery. Willow faces the ocean that she loved so much. There are fresh primroses on her headstone and I know that Mrs. Everdeen has been here. I lay the flowers I brought with me and take a seat beside her.

"Willy sweetheart, Finny sends you his love." I say.

"Why is she buried here?" I wasn't aware Katniss had followed me. I turn to look at her, she's trying hard not to look at the primroses. "Wasn't she from District 2?"

"Yes she was from District 2 but her father was a native of District 4, he's buried over there." I say pointing to the next grave over. "She wanted to be close to him."

**Katniss…**

"Gale can you tell me about her?" I ask. I want to know about her and how she was able to make my best friend feel better, how she was there for him in the way I can't for Peeta. "I can't guarantee that I'll ever get over what happened to Prim but I can tell you that since I've been with you I haven't thought or hallucinated about the Hunger Games. You make it easy to forget."

"Yeah because I bring up other memories." He says with a sad smile.

"Lets not fight here." I say not up for an argument while sitting beside his wife's grave. "Just talk about her. Do you have a picture of her so I can put a face to the name?"

He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a fancy leather wallet. He hands me four different pictures. The first is of the two of them sitting on train tracks looking at each other, it's a simple picture taken as the sun was beginning to set. In the second picture Gale has his arms wrapped around a smiling Willow, both of their eyes shone with happiness. He's wearing a navy blue long-sleeve t-shirt and black jeans and she's wearing a simple white sundress and her long blond hair in an elegant yet simple side ponytail. Both of them have smiles that reach their eyes. I really don't want to look at the third picture because of how pretty Willow was and how happy she and Gale looked together. I look at it anyway, it's a picture of Willow and Posy sitting cross-legged in a meadow, both of them are wearing flower crowns and seem unaware that the picture is being taken. The last picture makes me smile, it was taken the same day ask the picture of Willow and Posy but its of Gale and his siblings, it's a dog pile of the Hawthorne boys while Posy sits next to them a hand patting Gale's head.

"These two are my favorites." I say showing him the last two pictures. As much as I want to irrationally dislike Willow I know that I'll never be able too because while I hated Gale, she made him happy and brought a spark to his eyes. "She was beautiful."

"In more ways than one." He says looking at the pictures. "Do you want to know what her last request was?"

"Isn't that kind of personal?" I ask knowing that there was a time when Gale wouldn't have asked me if I wanted to know he's just tell me.

"I've been sharing every detail of my personal life with a near perfect stranger for the past two years now, you were my best friend and despite everything that's happened between us you know me the best." He says and I nod. "Her last words to me were 'Gale Hawthorne find her and set things right between you two. I don't doubt your love for me and if things had been different we might have gone on to have that happy ending we talked about. We would have had kids and lived in a nice house by the beach but the sad reality is that I don't have much time. Gale you can have that still and I want you to have that. Promise me that you'll find her and fight for that happy life we talked about. I love you and you've made me more happy in these past two years than I have ever been in my twenty years of life.' Those were her final words to me."

I really couldn't hate Willow now.

**To be continued...**

**SO next chapter will have Peeta in it and I hope you guys stick around for that one. Please do review it makes me happy and gets the creative juices in my brain flowing :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello friends I apologize for the late update life has been crazy well school just gets in the way. Hahaha the movie is almost here and I am super excited :)**

**Enjoy the chapter **

**don't own the hunger games**

**Chapter 7**

**Too Broken to Be Saved**

**Gale…**

"_Gale take your shoes off and come here, the water feels nice." Willow says extending her hand out to me a teasing smile on her face. "Don't be such a stick in the mud Mr. Hawthorne."_

_I smile at her and remove my boots and socks, her smile widens when she sees what I'm doing. I fold the bottom of my pants up and walk toward where she stands. I wrap my arms around her and lift her off of her feet and carry her deeper into the ocean. Her sea green eyes widen when she realizes what I'm going to do._

"_Don't you dare Hawthorne." She says through fit of giggles. I don't listen to her, I drop her into the water. She reaches for my hand and pulls me down into the water too. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close. "You naughty boy."_

_She wraps her arms around my neck and I kiss her lips lightly. "You know you love me."_

"_I do." She says._

Katniss glances in my direction, I gesture to the water inviting her to join me. She shakes her head I kick water in her direction and she rolls her eyes at me in response.

"Do you think you can ever love someone else the way you loved Willow?" Katniss asks. "I want to know if people can move on from their first love. Do you think it's possible?"

**Katniss…**

"You never forget your first love but you eventually find a way to live without them and find a different kind of happiness. To answer your question, no I will never love anyone the way I loved Willow, I'll love them in a way unique to them. If that even makes sense." Gale says and I understand what he means, he'll love everyone differently because no one is the same. "Don't worry about it Peeta will find that one person who not only is his lover but his best friend. He'll find that one person that'll know him as well as he knows himself, the one person he'll do anything for, the one girl worth fighting for. He'll find the girl he needs to survive and who needs him to survive and when he does he'll never let her go."

I nod not knowing what else to say because by the way Gale is looking at me with his intense grey eyes I know that while he's talking about Peeta he's really thinking all those things about himself. He kicks some more water in my direction and the intensity leaves his eyes, only sadness and longing is left.

"I'll take you to your mom's if you still want to go." Gale says, he's no longer looking at me instead his gaze is fixed on his toes. He appears to be digging them into the wet sand.

"Does she live close?" I ask.

"A couple blocks from the hospital." He shrugs.

"Lets go then." I say even though I have no idea how far the hospital is from the beach.

**Peeta…**

"_What happened to her?" I ask Gale as I hand him the envelopes with my final words to him and Katniss inside. He quirks an eyebrow but its just for show since he knows who I'm talking about. "Your wife, I saw the ring and Haymitch told me you were married."_

"_Who told him?" Gale asks avoiding my question._

"_Johanna sent him a clip from the District 2 newspaper, he told me on one of his sober days. On one of his not so sober days he told me something happened to her, Johanna told him." I say and I can see the walls he's built over the years come crumbling down. "You don't have to tell me I was just curious."_

"_She lost her battle against cancer." He says. "She never had a chance."_

"_I'm sorry." He nods and holds out the envelopes. "Give it to Katniss when you're far away from District 12 and open yours when you are sure she has opened hers. Love her for me."_

"_You and I both know that she didn't choose me and she won't choose me if she could choose again." Gale says sounding as if he gave up all hope of having a life with the girl he's loves, the girl that the Capitol took from him, his best friend. _

"_She'll need you."_

I realize now that I may have given Gale more insight to what I was planning on doing than I had intended to. He knew that I was planning on ending my suffering by ending my life, I know this because of the look he gave me when we shook hands and said our goodbyes, and it felt final to both him and me.

Haymitch and Delly are standing outside my hospital room door talking about the best way to make sure I don't attempt to take my life again. Little do they know that the moment I am release I'm booking a one way train ticket to any one of the other districts where no one will care enough about me to save me from myself. I see the doorknob turn and I return to my previous state, pretend sleep.

"Peeta I know you're not sleeping." Delly says and I snore to try to convince her. "Okay be that way, just listen to me. You're going home with me where I can look after you and you won't be reminded of everything that happened to you."

She can't be serious, she's going to be my permanent babysitter. I'll find a way to get away from her.

"Haymitch and I are going to make sure you get the help you need, Katniss is going to help as much as she can. You both are going to start your lives over with the people who can help you the most." She says so much determination in her voice that it makes me feel bad for thinking about ending my life when she's so determined to save it.

"Don't try to save me Delly I'm too broken to be worth fighting for." I say.

**To be continued...**

**Please be kind and review :) **


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